Take it easy...

So Kaitlyn went to karate tonight... first time in about 2 weeks. The girl just doesn't know how to take it easy. She used her inhaler before like she's supposed to... but she had to use it again before karate was over. I asked if she was okay, and she said she was fine, but I really should have stopped her then. I told her to take it easy (again), and just watched her a little more closely. Not even a few minutes later she was asking to bow out and pretty much gasping for breath... Not that I haven't heard her gasp for air before with exercise, but not like that... she was wheezy. I should be used to such things with all the trouble I had with my own asthma over the years, but as scary as it is when you can't breathe, it is infinitely scarier when it's your child and you feel helpless. I expected the inhaler to act instantly, even though I should know better, and when it didn't I panicked and called the doctor on call. I told him I gave her an extra 2 puffs on the inhaler as we were at least 15-20 minutes from home, but I was racing there to get her on the nebulizer. The doctor pretty much agreed with my plans and told me to call him if the nebulizer treatments didn't help. Well, by the time we got home the inhaler had helped and she wasn't as wheezy, but still short of breath. I told her to relax and do the nebulizer, and after all her breathing treatments, they did their magic and no E.R. visit was necessary. Thank GOD!   I also told her that if she doesn't start taking it easy, she may not be able to keep doing karate... she then broke into tears and said she didn't want to HAVE to take it easy... what do you say to that? All I could say was I wish she didn't have to either, and I wish I could make it better, but that's in God's hands.

For the most part, she is usually a very upbeat kid, she's got a great attitude, and she handles all these new struggles with such amazing grace for an 11 year old kid... I can completely understand her getting upset when she can't do something she absolutely loves... it just breaks my heart too. I really hope that once she beats this latest bug that she has an easier time with karate. She just tries so hard to keep up. And on that note, Sensei Paul and Sensei Soo and all the other black belts they have help instruct (some of which are RNs, which is nice to know in case it was any worse) are so understanding and so supportive of her it is amazing! She truly loves karate so much, as long as it is okay with her doctors, we will be keeping her in it even after she leaves the boys and girls club at the end of the school year.

Well anyways, all that albuterol made Kate jittery and she couldn't sleep, so we stayed up and added pics to her facebook profile... we went through a bunch of old photos and videos, and were laughing so much it's a miracle we didn't wake the rest of the house. It made for some great mommy-daughter time though :)  But I was noticing that as I looked at the pictures how I seemed to think of them as before and after diagnosis... it was really something to just look at them and see how much she has grown in just a few short months.... I don't know if it's just the few inches in height, or the few added pounds, or the growing up too much too fast that comes with something like this (it's a lot of responsibility to keep track of medicines, etc), but she seems to have grown up so much. I guess we mothers like to keep them little and protected forever, it's just so hard to not be able to do either.

It really sucks to feel so helpless. I have all this energy to fight, but at the same time....feel like I've somehow failed to keep her safe. I guess the only thing I really can do is put that energy into our Great Strides walk, so I guess tomorrow I will put together another email... I already updated my homepage today.... and on that note, I guess it already is tomorrow seeing as it's almost 2am... guess I should get some sleep... unfortunately for me, Kaitlyn scared me so much the adrenaline is keeping me from sleeping too.... MOMMY-DAUGHTER TIME BROUGHT TO YOU TONIGHT BY... INSOMNIA.....

(pic of my Warrier Princess from an impromptu stop at Sarasota beach last month)